I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
