Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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