i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
