I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
