You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
