I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
