Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
