Can Purell be used as lube?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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