If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
