My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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