Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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