i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
MIDGETS
????
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
