I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
