i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
