ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
