There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Couch. On fire.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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