I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They took my balls.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
