so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
