I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
