i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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