sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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