so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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