just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
