people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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