so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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