dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
