yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
