look no pants
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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