Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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