We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
