SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
