Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
