im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
