The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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