He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
