Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
