Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
