Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
