Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
