I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The air was thick with penises
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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