the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
