i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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