the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
