google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is Oprah even human
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
