He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
