im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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