So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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