I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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