What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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