I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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