Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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