just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
